Failing to Forget
by Dark Seraphim
Summary: Stahn Leon. Leon fails at being indifferent to Stahn. Shounenai.


Notes: Another yaoi challenge fic for the prompt: " Remake canon would b preferred, but if you don't know it, that's fine too. Anything with Leon trying to remain indifferent to Stahn and failing miserably. Porn's great, but so is less explicit fic."

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Leon Magnus never believed that friendship was for the weak, but he never believed in it period. At least not as long as he could remember. He had no problems with his companions, except for the fact that they almost never shut up, and even when they were quiet, they still made noise. Even with tiaras that could fry their foreheads at anytime, the group still smiled, still joked, and still acted like they were on vacation rather than on a very important mission.

One member stood out like a sore thumb. Stahn. Leon couldn't remember his last name and wasn't sure if he wanted to. The guy had a good three years on Leon, but he acted like a twelve year old. The girls were worse, especially Rutee. Like Stahn, she never shut up. Unlike Stahn, she never stayed on Leon's mind, except when she bothered him, which was almost always.

Just thinking of Stahn made him grit his teeth. Leon sat under a tree while the others sat at a nearby campfire. They wouldn't stray because they couldn't. Leon zapped them everytime one of them strayed too far or got too annoying. He tolerated Mary and the new Priestess named Phillia. Rutee and Stahn? Not so much, and they got zapped so often, Leon wondered which one of them would keel over first.

Neither of them did, which again gave Leon sore teeth. Stahn led the conversations, as usual. He laughed with everyone, he listened to everyone, he once again stood out. Leon swore that he would never be part of that nonsense, yet he couldn't take his eyes off of Stahn's spiked blond hair, his blue eyes, or the muscled body under his white outfit.

Sometimes Leon wondered why he couldn't be like that, then he remembered that such a thing would require trust, something he gave no one, not even to himself. He simply couldn't be Stahn or any of his companions, and he didn't want to be. At least that's what he told himself.

"He'll come around," Stahn said. He always said that, and he'd smile when he said it.

Leon heard that often from those who've spoken to Stahn, and he simply shook his head. He swore that he wouldn't "come around" because that would be giving in. Giving in required trust, required opening one's heart to another, and everytime Leon even considered it, he remembered his back being sore from the knives. No way he'd come around, not like everyone says he would. Certainly not to someone like Stahn who looked like the sun and with eyes like the skylit sea.

When Stahn spoke, he made gestures. When he fought, he did so with every fibre of his being. He never gave up, he protected his friends, while mauling the monsters that tried to hurt them. Leon often wondered what would happen if they were to fight again. At first, he puffed up his chest when he remembered beating Stahn, but now, he couldn't bring himself to do that. Not when Stahn once shielded himself to save him.

He never did thank the older boy. Couldn't bring himself to because to show gratitude would be giving in and giving in meant trust. Never. Not to someone like Stahn who gave his friends hugs, laughter, and friendship that others would kill for. Oddly enough, Leon got a thank you from Stahn. He couldn't believe what he heard. Like everything Stahn did, Leon simply shrugged it off while failing to forget it.

Just like he failed to forget the vanilla ice candy Stahn gave him, like he failed to forget curious question of who he liked, like he failed to forget his wondering what Stahn's lips would taste like after eating ice candy. Leon grit his teeth. Of course there was someone he liked, but his first thought went to Marian. He never mentioned it because that would be giving in and giving in meant trust. Even as Stahn quickly entered his thoughts soon after Marian did, he certainly would never mention that. He simply didn't want to be added to Stahn's growing collection of friends. At least that's what he kept thinking while watching the blond tell some jokes to Rutee.

Leon remembered saying that he hated "happy-go-lucky-people" and Stahn fit the definition perfectly. Not that it stopped Leon from dreaming about him, imagining himself in the older boy's arms, knowing full well that his back won't hurt anymore because Stahn would shield him from the knives. Or would he? A small part of Leon believed that one day Stahn would abandon him, hurt him, or do whatever unknown horrors came to mind. Nice people weren't always what they seemed, and neither did anyone else. It was always easier, better, and more peaceful to be alone.

Something changed. He found himself more able to get along with Rutee, and he heard that Stahn got the credit for that. Leon found himself talking more to the other party members, not too much, but enough for everyone to notice. He found himself looking at Stahn again, his face lit by the campfire, as he laughed. Others joined, of course, and Leon smiled, only to quickly turn away when Stahn glanced in his direction.

Leon didn't know what to think. Will Stahn approach him? Maybe, maybe not. If he did, what would happen? What would they talk about? Ever since they met, most of their conversations consisted of Stahn running his mouth and Leon giving short answers. Talk of friendship, of getting along, of fighting together, and Leon just trying to shrug it off.

Except he couldn't, no matter how much he tried. Just thinking of Stahn's smile made Leon's chest ache. He had been harsh, no getting around it, yet he'd been considered part of the "group", so to speak, and they never had to do that. Stahn never had to consider Leon as anything other than an enemy. Leon knew that they'd have to split up eventually. The mission was over, and no one would have a reason to be with Leon now. He tried to push the thought away; he didn't care, or at least that's what he kept telling himself. He shut his eyes, letting the wind embrace him. Maybe Stahn would lie next to him, hold him, talk of friendship for one last time. Forget the world, perhaps, forget what was to come after the tiaras binding Rutee and Stahn to him were finally removed, and forget doing what had to be done. Maybe Leon finally would give in, even if it meant trusting once more. Maybe...


End file.
